The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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