He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
