My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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