You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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