did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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