I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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