I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
