Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
