I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
