Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
