it wasn't lemon gatorade
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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