The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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