Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
