So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
