I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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