I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
