i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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