Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
