Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize