I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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