Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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