you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Houston, we have a blender
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
