I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
