I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
