So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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