He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize