At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
