your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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