Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
