How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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