so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
