your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
