I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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