i permit you to call me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
