i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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