Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
