So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she told me i tasted like america
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
