we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
