she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
