We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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