If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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