on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
