like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
