who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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