Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize