So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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