he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
