I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
