Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
