apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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