He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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