No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
