I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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