"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
