You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize