They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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