Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
