is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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