ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
