I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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